Friday, April 3, 2009
Omega Cop (1990)
I bought Paul Kyriazi's Omega Cop from Half Price Books for the grand total of $1. Considering I've watched it at least five times, including a showing at Trinity University's Bad Movie Club, it was a sound investment.
Ron Marchini stars as title character John Travis (known affectionately in some circles as TravisCop OmegaCop), a tough-as-nails member of the Special Police in a post apocalyptic world. Of course, this being a low-budget film, the apocalypse looks less like a vast wasteland and more slightly untidy.
Holes in the ozone layer result in bright flashes of light called "sun spots." Depending on the director's mood, these sun spots will either kill you outright, slowly turn into into a sun zombie, or do nothing at all.
After a failed raid on a slave auction run by arch nemesis Wraith, TravisCop drives around in his RENEGADE Jeep rescuing women and verbally abusing them. He picks up three women total: the snippy blonde, annoying brunette, and unconscious almost-rape victim. I assume TravisCop cares for these women, despite his general distaste for women, men, and humanity in general. He never gets around to picking a love interest (though the blonde was a good candidate), choosing instead to remain a brooding platonic hunk of karate manhood throughout the entirely of the film.
TravisCop's mission is simple: kill Wraith. Despite this, he manages to get sidetracked chasing after small children, rescuing women, yelling, driving around, flashing back to earlier in the film, sleeping in a locker room, and killing people who stole his hat.
Adam West, TravisCop's superior, bosses TravisCop around from an underground bunker via two-way radio. It's clear that West needed the money, so he agreed to be in the movie so long as all his scenes were filmed in one day, and he never had to change locations or shirts.
But West is at best a tertiary character in Omega Cop. TravisCop is the secondary, if only because he is attached to the primary star: TravisCop's foot.
TravisCop kicks a lot of ass. And by "ass" I mean "groin." I counted no less than thirteen crotch shots in this film, the vast majority of them executed by TravisCop himself, the Ronaldinho of Testicle Soccer.
Despite its ultra low budget, wooden star, laughable plot, and poor lighting, Omega Cop is an incredibly enjoyable film. It knows it's mindless, so it devotes itself to mindlessness. The director clearly has some basic grasp of filmmaking, but when your camera is made from a discarded oatmeal box, there's only so much you can do.
What to drink while watching:
Cheap domestic beer (in cans)
"That's either my hat, or one just like it."
"Travis's blood! Travis's blood! Travis's blood! Travis's blood!"
"WRAITH! IT'S NOT OVER YET!" (x2)
Arbitrary ranking system:
(3 out of 4 TravisHats)
Here is a quick run-through of my favorite scenes in Omega Cop.
And, an added bonus. A compilation of all the crotch shots.