Friday, May 19, 2023

Podcast: Morbius (2022)

Leading up to our appearance at Comicpalooza, we finally gave in to the hype and reviewed one of the most notorious and meme-worthy comic book movies of all time: 2022's Morbius!

Dr. Michael Morbius (Jared Leto) has a blood disease that makes his blood not good and he has to walk with crutches. He travels to Costa Rica’s Cerro de la Muerte to capture a tube full of vampire bats in the hopes he can study them and reverse his bad blood disease.

The cure works, but as a result he turns into a cool vampire. His childhood friend Milo (Matt Smith) finds out he’s a cool vampire and wants to be a cool vampire too and he steals the vampire goo and turns into a cool bad vampire. They have a vampire fight and one of them wins (guess which one). Michael Keaton shows up at the end for some reason.

Comicpalooza Update: We're on the schedule! Your Stupid Minds will be at the Main Podcast Stage on the Exhibit Floor on Friday, May 26 at 4:30! Come by and watch us talk about Catwoman LIVE! You might also get a special Catwoman prize.

Friday, May 5, 2023

Podcast: Nine Deaths of the Ninja (1985)

Your Stupid Minds returns to ninjas with Cannon’s Nine Deaths of the Ninja from 1985, starring Sho Kosugi, Anthony Kiedis's dad, and Harlan Crow’s ex sister-in-law.

Spike (Kosugi), Steve (Brent Huff), and Jennifer (Emilia Crow) are part of an elite anti-terrorist squad that mainly involves Spike doing ninja stuff on a bunch of terrorists while Steve crosses his arms and chuckles. When a terrorist confederacy of gross drug addicts, a lesbian militia, and a smattering of ninjas kidnap a bus full of tourists, Spike and the team spring into action. The terrorists are led, of sorts, by a disabled Nazi named Alby the Cruel (played by Blackie Dammett, a.k.a. the dad of the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ Anthony Kiedis), who also has a monkey wearing a diaper.

The team go to the Philippines and there’s some mild ninja stuff, Jennifer shoots some dude with an epoxy gun, and Sho Kosugi’s real sons play pranks on the terrorists.

A reminder: Your Stupid Minds will be at this year’s Comicpalooza in Houston, Texas, to discuss Halle Berry’s Catwoman LIVE! The convention is Memorial Day weekend, May 26-28, so come check us out!

Some Notes:

  • Emilia Crow and Robert Trammell Crow's divorce was covered in the February 1990 issue of Texas Monthly in a piece called The $76 Million Divorce. Robert is the late brother of Harlan Crow, the Nazi memorabilia-loving billionaire and Justice Clarence Thomas's BFF.

Friday, April 21, 2023

Podcast: Dark Phoenix (2019)

Your Stupid Minds comes at you with our fifth X-Men related movie, this time it’s the 2019 flop Dark Phoenix, another halfhearted attempt to adapt the Dark Phoenix saga without bothering with the Phoenix saga.

The X-Men are assigned a mission by the president to save some astronauts stuck in space. Though the mission is successful, Jean Grey (Sophie Turner) is blasted with an evil space cloud that starts to make her act cool. However, the coolness goes too far when she can’t control her new power. She tries to learn more about her past, and comes across Magneto’s (Michael Fassbender) mutant island sanctuary of Genosha (though in this movie it looks like a small plot of land in western Connecticut).

Meanwhile, Vuk (Jessica Chastain), a shapeshifting alien of the D’Bari race, is looking for Jean so she can... take the power, harness the power, trick Jean into helping her? It isn’t entire clear. But she’s evil.

Can the X-Men save Jean, or will this conflict tear them apart? Will Disney reboot the franchise after their Fox acquisition? How many times can we predict the second part of every line in this movie? How much was Hans Zimmer paid for this killer score? You’ll have to listen to find out (though we don’t answer most of these questions).

Also a quick update: Your Stupid Minds will be at this year’s Comicpalooza in Houston, Texas, to discuss Halle Berry’s Catwoman LIVE! The convention is Memorial Day weekend, May 26-28, so come check us out!

Friday, April 14, 2023

Your Stupid Minds at Comicpalooza


Big news! Your Stupid Minds is part of the Comicpalooza Podcast Partnership Program! If you attend the convention (May 26-28 in Houston) you may get an opportunity to see us perform LIVE! Details forthcoming.

Friday, April 7, 2023

Podcast: Twin Sitters (1994)

Your Stupid Minds returns to the bottomless well of content that is the Barbarian Brothers (at least until we run out of Barbarian Brothers movies) with 1994’s Twin Sitters, a movie that rips off Mr. Nanny wholesale but posits the question “what if there were TWO big beefy guys instead of one?”

Peter and David Falcone (played by Peter and David Paul, respectively, since it’s entirely possible they are incapable of responding to any first name but their own) are two muscle-bound goofballs who need money to open their own Italian restaurant. When they stop a trio of assassins in a playground in which they just happen to be hanging out, the target of the assassination, Frank (Jared Martin) hires them to guard his two nephews.

Frank has turned state’s witness and plans to testify against an evil mob-like guy Leland Stromm (George Lazenby) for dumping toxic waste improperly. The two goons go to Frank’s mansion in their monster truck to guard the nephews, but wait a minute… the nephews are also… twins???

If you’ve seen Mr. Nanny you know how this goes. The twins, Bradley and Steven (Christian and Joseph Cousins) enact a series of escalating “pranks” on their guardians that border on (or are) attempted first degree murder. Eventually the twin sets become friends, but can they stay out of danger in time for the uncle to testify?

Friday, March 24, 2023

Podcast: Zapped! (1982)

Your Stupid Minds covers 1982’s Zapped!, a post-Porky’s teen sex comedy where a teenage boy acquires telekinetic powers and uses them mostly to pop girls’ shirts open.

Barney (Scott Baio) is a typical high school nerd (he wears glasses, you see), with free rein over his own science laboratory in the school, dosing mice with whiskey to see if they swim better while drunk. Somehow this results in the titular zapping, and he gains the ability to move objects with his mind. At first his hormones mostly control the power, as numerous ladies’ tops are flung open, but soon enough his awful friend Peyton (Willie Aames) convinces him to use his powers beyond just sexual humiliation. Soon enough Barney is cheating at baseball, cheating at roulette, terrorizing a model plane enthusiast at the park for no reason, you get the idea.

There are numerous other side plots to get this thing well beyond feature length, including a drinking contest at Magic Mountain, a dream sequence involving Scatman Crothers, Albert Einstein, and cartoon salami, a Star Trek parody, and a sexual romp between Principal Coolidge (Robert Mandan) and teacher Ms. Burnhart (Sue Ane Langdon).

Barney starts to feel wary about the use of his powers, but not enough to stop him from enacting an inevitable Carrie parody at the prom, but by tearing off everyone’s clothes instead of murdering them (spoiler for this movie, and Carrie, I suppose).