However, occasionally a film comes along that is so terrible, so pointless, so devoid of any sense of storytelling, composition, cohesiveness, or sanity, that I cannot sit idly by. Up until today, I thought all bad movies had something to contribute. That is until I watched the nearly unwatchable Exterminator City.


This is due primarily to its complete lack of progression, development, or clarity. According to the synopsis, the movie is about a robot detective and his psychologist partner determined to catch a robot serial killer on the loose in the dystopian Atro City. Sounds like a pretty entertaining piece of B-Movie schlock, yes? You would be wrong.
Here is a brief snippet of what I would imagine the script to look like:
Imagine these two scenes repeated over and over and over and over and over, with only slight variations inserted into each one. Maybe the porn star urinates. Maybe it's a crossbow instead of a knife. Maybe the robot detective places a superfluous "r" at the end of a word. Who knows? What we do know is that at no point does it progress into anything which might resemble a conclusion. For a movie so obsessed with porn stars, you'd think it would pay more attention to climax.
Exterminator City looks awful. The porn star footage was clearly shot by someone else at a completely different time for some kind of bizarre fake porno snuff film. They contrast wildly from the robot shots, which are in extreme close up, presumably to hide the fact that they were all shot in director Clive Cohen's basement.

In addition to these abortions of filmmaking, there is also an extremely disturbing homicidal overtone. At one point the robot detective straps into a machine which allows him to look inside the mind of the killer. I felt like I was doing the exact same thing. Like Ted Kaczynski's "Ship of Fools," or Seung-Hui Cho's "Richard McBeef," Exterminator City feels like a cry for help. A voyeuristic and uncomfortable look into the mind of a psychopath.

DO NOT CLICK!
This woman chose to look this way. She deliberately altered her body, undergoing numerous painful surgeries, in order to achieve this body image. I want you to remember that.
What to drink:
Drano mixed with POISON.
Quotable quotes:
Executioner: Let's rock 'n roll, baby!Arbitrary ranking system:
Detective: Oh my! Shit on me!
Partner: Damn! It's a real life Picasso!
Detective: He's an enigmer!
Partner: You pull this off, you're up for promotion, even a runtime extension.
Detective: Aren't I a blast?
Partner: You sound jaded, detective.
Detective: Hey, I'm just high on life!
Partner: Embrace the insanity!
Detective: I'll get him.
Partner: How do you know that?
Detective: It's my job, bitch!
Detective: "I am Death, Destroyer of Worlds."
Partner: You know Nietzsche?
Detective: I read the comic book.
Drano mixed with POISON.
Dear Nick
ReplyDeleteTo claim I will firebomb a synagogue full of orphaned handicapped children on the Sabbath is unacceptable and libelous. Please remove this section from your review.
Clive
Dear Clive
ReplyDeleteI altered it in order to make it 100% clear that I don't actually believe that.
Nick
Clive Cohen's film is unacceptable and traumatizing. Please remove it from my brain.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDear Nick
ReplyDeletePlease remove the segement about firebombing a synagogue full of orphaned handicapped children on the Sabbath.
If I were to level accusations of this nature against yourself you would not like it.
A review of a film is one thing but this goes beyond that. Please remove it.
Clive
Dear Clive
ReplyDeleteWhat I wrote is clearly hyperbolic and exaggerated for literary effect. It is not meant to be taken seriously nor does anything in its content suggest that it should be taken seriously.
Nick
I take it seriously.
ReplyDeleteYou may not be aware of this but many jews were torched inside synagogues. The disabled were amongst the victims of the final soloution.
To suggest I would commit such am act is libelous.
Please remove that section of the review.
Clive
CLIVE PLEASE BE MY FRIEND!
ReplyDeleteThank you Clive for posting in the comments instead of contacting the author directly so that we may still view your distaste for orphans and the handicapped.
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ReplyDelete