Sunday, May 15, 2016

Podcast: Bonus 100th Episode Clip Spectacular

It's Your Stupid Minds' Bonus 100th Episode Clip Spectacular! Featuring some of our (and your) favorite moments from the last 100 episodes. Don't expect a breakdown of each clip because we don't want to right now! We hope you enjoy this compilation of what we think our our best bits, skits, discussions, and songs from the last four years. See you again after episode 200!

Sunday, May 1, 2016

Podcast: Double Down (2005)

Direct download.

Your Stupid Minds celebrates its 100th episode by filling out Neil Breen’s current oeuvre. Before the imminent wide release of his most recent film Pass Thru (which we wanted to watch but is not reasonably available in the state of Texas), we reviewed Neil’s first feature film, 2005’s Double Down!

Neil Breen is war hero and elite hacker terrorist inventor Aaron Brand (who will forever be referred to as Neil Breen). Breen is a mercenary working for American and foreign government agents on counterterrorism while also being a terrorist himself! His change of heart comes after his bride to be Megan (Laura Hale) is accidentally murdered during the couple’s nude pool engagement.

Breen goes further off the deep end (pool humor) and creates a freelance mercenary business out of his late 80s Mercedes; inventing an invisibility cloak and hacking murder shield to help it along. While working for all governments and terrorism sects, he also has terroristic traps set up all around the world (but primarily in Breen’s director’s trademark city of Las Vegas).

Will he have a change of heart? Will he avenge Megan with his insane crimes against humanity? Will he save some little girl who has brain cancer? Will his dead parents explain what heaven is like? Did Neil Breen acquire his early 90s stock footage from a Harrah’s dumpster? Find out in this special episode!

Some Notes:
  • Some characters are inexplicably missing from the end credits. Where's the call girl he hires? Where's the guy in the obviously fake beard? Why are multiple characters given the same character name of "Terrorist" or "Agent" with no other distinction?
  • Breen's character subsists entirely on canned tuna. We believe mercury poisoning contributes significantly to his erratic behavior.
  • The credits also note the film was catered by Neil Breen. I hope this means a nightly crawfish broil at the Breen residence!
  • Upon closer inspection, Megan (Breen's murdered fiancĂ©e) is wearing a flesh-colored thong throughout the pool scene. Also, when she's shot, Neil casually proclaims "aw, geez!"
  • YSM reviews of previous Breen films: Fateful Findings (episode 50), and I Am Here.... Now (episode 73).

Sunday, April 17, 2016

Podcast: Bolero (1984)

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Fans of truly execrable cinema are in for a treat as we review 1984's Bolero. Can the film that gave MGM an excuse to end its shameful partnership with the Cannon Group/Golan-Globus be that bad? What if I told you it also won the Razzie award for Worst Picture, Worst Actress (beating out Faye Dunaway in Supergirl!), Worst Director, Worst Screenplay, and Worst New Star? For once, everything you've heard turns out to be true! This film is indefensibly, inexplicably bad!

Algunas Notas:
  • Auteur Theory at Work? Noted statutory rape-avoider John Derek met Bo while she was a high school dropout. In the film, a 14 year old proudly asserts that she is already a woman and will soon have sex with a famous bullfighter.
  • The film was not given a rating by the MPAA, unofficially making it NC-17/X, but was still given a wide release.
  • While Bo Derek's hair and Superbowl shuffle place the film in the late 70s/early 80s, Bo's infatuation with Rudolph Valentino film The Sheik (1921) places the movie in the 20s, while the use of the song "As Time Goes By" during a visit to Morocco seems to place the film in the 30s. Either way, this is clearly pre-Franco's Spain.
  • You might remember John Derek from his unforgettable performance as "Joshua" opposite Charlton Heston, Yul Brynner, and "Where's Your Messiah Now?!" Edward G. Robinson in The Ten Commandments, a film that came out the year Bo Derek was born.
  • Golan-Globus were so unhappy with the film that they wanted to be given ownership of the Derek ranch somehow.
Bonus: Here's a Joan Rivers Interview with Bo Derek from 1984:

Sunday, April 3, 2016

Podcast: Black Scorpion (1995)

Joan Severance lays out some vigilante justice in the Roger Corman produced comic book inspired Showtime original movie Black Scorpion! The movie also resulted in a sequel and Sci-Fi Channel original series.

Believe it or not I couldn't find an embeddable trailer, so here's the full version.

Darcy Walker (Severance) is a girl raised by her murderous cop father Lt. Stan Walker (Rick Rossovich) with a scorpion infatuation. Stan stops methed out maniac at a hospital by gunning him down with a doctor between him and is kicked off the force. Darcy enters the force decades later and goes undercover as a prostitute to bring down a mass murderer. Her plans are put on hold when her father is gunned down in a bar, and she transforms into the Black Scorpion to lay down the law with her taser boots, taser scorpion ring, and whip.

Some Notes:
  • Imagine how lame it would be if Batman named himself.
  • All superhero origin movies need a "sewing together their costume" montage.
  • Joan Severance also appeared in Another Pair of Aces: Three of a Kind and Hulk Hogan's No Holds Barred.

Saturday, March 19, 2016

Podcast: Fateful Findings (2013) (Rebroadcast)

Direct download.

Note: This is a rebroadcast from April 3, 2014 to gear up for our 100th episode spectacular. For the show notes, head over to the original Fateful Findings post.

Sunday, March 6, 2016

Podcast: The Devil Rides Out (1968)

Direct download.

Your Stupid Minds finally makes its Hammer podcast debut with a film that strays a bit from the usual Hammer formula. We don't see a traditional horror monster, and Christopher Lee is cast as the hero. A creepy, occult-obsessed Dracula-looking hero, but a hero nonetheless. It's 1968's The Devil Rides Out!

When Nicholas, Duc de Richleau, (Lee) and his friend Rex Van Ryn (Leon Greene) visit their friend's son Simon (Patrick Mower, looking a lot like Topher Grace), Nicholas recognizes a five pointed, goat-faced floor installation and suspicious rooster to be signs that their young friend has fallen in with Satanists, even as Rex flirts with Tanith (Nike Arrighi), a young ingenue.

When Nicholas and Rex disrupt a Satanist gathering led by the evil Mocata (Charles Gray), rescuing Simon and kidnapping Tanith, it escalates the conflict into a full-on Satanist vs. good Christian battle of wills. More people are involved, seances are conducted, and crucifixes are thrown at puppets. It's all great fun!

Some Notes:
  • The film is set in the 1930s, but the occult themes would have been relatively fresh in the minds of 1960s housewives due to a 1960s revival of interest in the occult, perpetrated in part by British rock bands talking about Aleister Crowley in their music and buying his old house.
  • Princess Nike Arrighi retired from acting after she married Prince Paolo Borghese, of the Borghese family that you might remember from a season of The Bachelor, if you were a fan of The Bachelor ten years ago. Nike is now a full-time visual artist.
  • British gentry hospitality demands that if a Satanist calls on you, you must spend at least fifteen minutes chatting with him before politely asking him to leave.
  • "Tanith" literally means "serpent lady," and originates from Tanit, a Carthaginian goddess of war. Duke Nicholas, being the protagonist of the movie, knows this off the top of his head.
  • Nicholas throws crucifixes like Batman throws Batarangs.

Sunday, February 21, 2016

Podcast: The 10th Victim (1965)

Direct download.

Travel with Your Stupid Minds back to the swinging 60s and their idea of a dystopian future in: The 10th Victim! In the future, war has been eliminated by the creation of a game show/Hunger Games-type scenario. All violent people are recruited into playing "The Great Hunt," a contest where an individual is designated either hunter or victim. If they can successfully kill their opponents ten times, they are rewarded with ONE. MILLION. DOLLARS.

After Caroline (Ursula Andress) erotically defeats her hunter via gun-bra, her next assignment: acting as hunter against the taciturn Italian Marcello (frequent Fellini collaborator Marcello Mastroianni). Can she seduce him into being murdered, or worse, falling in love?

Some Notes: 
  • As completely 1960s and Italian as this film is, it's oddly prescient. Caroline is sponsored by a tea company that asks for a live murder to take place in a commercial. I think we're about two years away from a commercial being delivered live by a quarterback in the middle of winning the Super Bowl.
  • The lack of televised hunts seems to indicate that detailed stats are kept in newspapers, presumably just before baseball box scores.
  • It seems unfair that a Victim is never told who its Hunter is, and will be given thirty years in jail if they shoot the wrong person. On the other hand, a Hunter needs to double-check their paperwork to ensure a typo from an Italian computer doesn't cause them to go to jail for murder.
  • Everyone in the future reads comic books, especially Phantom comics. We assume Marcello is a big Billy Zane fan.
  • "Why control the Birth Rate when you can control the Death Rate?" -Loudspeaker announcement, Great Hunt Ministry Building
  • Presumably the Great Hunt is full of arcane rules no casual hunt fans understand, similar to the NFL's illegal formations and free kicks. Unfortunately, no pamphlet was given to 1965 moviegoers explaining byzantine hunting rules.
  • Divorce in Italy was illegal when this movie was made, explaining some of Marcello's marriage phobia. In 1970, divorce became legal, albeit with an extensive waiting period. In 2015, the waiting period to obtain a divorce was reduced to six months. Previously, most modern Marcellos got married in destination weddings elsewhere in the EU so they wouldn't have to deal with the Pope judging them.