Monday, January 15, 2018

Podcast: Skyscraper (1996)

Your Stupid Minds presents a ‘90s stuntcasting double feature this month, starting with Skyscraper, which is Die Hard plus boobs plus helicopter and starring Anna Nicole Smith.

Carrie Wisk (Smith) is a helicopter pilot for Helescort (which sounds like a prostitute delivery service) and married to LAPD cop Gordon (Richard Steinmetz). When she delivers some evil dudes to a downtown high rise, she arrives in the middle of a deadly game of cat and mouse. They try to recover the last piece of a superweapon microchip, while she struggles to stay alive. There are also 2.5 sex scenes in this movie.

Some Notes:

Tuesday, December 26, 2017

Podcast: 12 Dates of Christmas (2011)

Direct download.

Your Stupid Minds finishes out its Hallmark/Lifetime/ABC Family Christmas series and the year with ABC Family’s 12 Dates of Christmas starring Amy Smart and Mark-Paul Gosselaar.

Kate (Smart) is a single thirtysomething jerk who is trying to get back together with her ex-boyfriend during the holidays. While shopping for an expensive present for him, she is spritzed in the face with perfume by a careless clerk and knocked unconscious. She wakes up and goes on with her day, only to relive Christmas Eve over and over in a fashion that in no way resembles another famous movie where a jerk relives the same holiday over and over. Can she get back with her ex? Or will she find true love with her hunky widower park designer/youth orphan hockey coach blind date Miles (Gosselaar)? We think you already know the answer.

Some Notes:

Thursday, December 14, 2017

Podcast: The Spirit of Christmas (2015)

Direct download.

Special guests Valeah Beckwith and Danielle Nasr return to the podcast as we continue our Hallmark/Lifetime Christmas Movie series with the Lifetime/Netflix film The Spirit of Christmas.

Kate (Kati Salowsky) is a high-powered big city workaholic lawyer from Boston who has no interest finding true love. Her goateed boss instructs her to go to a cozy rural bed and breakfast in order to appraise it for sale. The property has problems selling because it’s haunted by a hunky ghost murdered 95 years ago. The ghost Daniel (Thomas Beaudoin) takes corporeal form for the twelve days leading up to Christmas in order to solve his own murder. But when he begins to fall for Kate, things begin to change.

Some Notes:
  • Chris was right. The Spirit of Christmas first premiered on Lifetime. It's now available on Netflix.
  • Only characters in this movie: Lawyer lady, hunky ghost, Sebastian Gorka boss, Silver Fox innkeeper, Silver Fox's love interest, some people from the past.
  • Technically, Thomas Edison and Edward Johnson invented Christmas lights in 1880. Whether they got to rural Massachusetts for public consumption by 1920 is another question.

Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Podcast: A Boyfriend for Christmas (2004)

Direct download.

It's the Holiday season, so Chris and Nick get into the spirit by crossing into the unexplored frontier that is.... Hallmark Christmas movies! That's right, a series of Christmas-time reviews from people who are absolutely not the demographic for them!

We begin with 2004's A Boyfriend for Christmas, where Holly (Kelli Williams of The Practice) makes the titular Christmas wish as a child to a creepy Santa (Charles Durning, frequent Santa). A mere 20 years later, Holly meets Ryan (Patrick Muldoon of Starship Troopers), a rich hotshot lawyer who lies about his identity and participates in Santa's twisted love scheme. Will Santa's Christmas prophecy come true? Will Holly wind up Ryan, or her sniveling evil ex-boyfriend (who is even richer than Ryan)?

  • Charles Durning's final role was in Bleeding Hearts, a horror film co-starring Dustin Diamond and Robert Loggia, that released more than two years after his death in 2012. He played Santa Claus.
  • ABFC is currently set to air at 4 AM on December 1, 2017, so set your TIVos to Hallmark if you want to enjoy our goofs.
  • Erica Gimpel (Coco from Fame) was on Season 1 of Veronica Mars, a show Nick has never watched. Here, she is the friend Holly drags to brunch, whose husband is never seen. David E. Kelley was (probably) so impressed with her performance in this TV movie that he cast her in a four episode arc of Boston Legal in 2006.

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Podcast: Dead Weekend (1994)

Direct download.

Your Stupid Minds finishes off the Lesser Baldwin series with the 1994’s Showtime original high concept sci-fi porno Dead Weekend starring Stephen Baldwin.

I couldn't find a trailer so here's a random clip with Tom Kenny screaming over the radio.

During a fake earthquake evacuation in a dystopian LA-like city, Weed (Baldwin) and Payne (David Rasche) are officers in the paramilitary police force assigned to catch a rogue alien while also murdering as many gang members as possible. Weed uses this opportunity to have sex with a strange woman in the woods, who, guess what, turns out the be the alien. Not just an alien, but a shapeshifting super sexy nymphomaniac alien who requires sex to survive. Also annoying radio DJ Joe Blow (Tom Kenny) screams awful voices into his microphone the entire time.

Some notes:

Sunday, October 22, 2017

Podcast: Desert Thunder (1999)

Direct download.

Your Stupid Minds continues its Lesser Baldwin series with 1999’s forgettable and nearly unacquirable Desert Thunder.

Directed by Jim Wynorski (Vampirella, Chopping Mall) and starring Daniel Baldwin, Desert Thunder is about a fictitious late ‘90s operation to bomb an Iraqi anthrax facility before Saddam can attack a major European city. Though the stakes are high, the film is mostly about Baldwin recruiting a team of misfits to fly F-14s in an abandoned Boy Scout summer camp in the San Bernardino Valley. At first they don’t get along, but after beating up rednecks at a nearby bar, they learn to work together.

Some Notes:

  • The only way I could find to watch this movie is to buy the DVD off Amazon.
  • Via Wikipedia: "In 1998, [Daniel] Baldwin was found running naked through the halls of New York's Plaza Hotel shouting "Baldwin!" and was arrested for possession of cocaine. He pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct and was sentenced to three months in drug rehab."

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

Podcast: Fair Game (1995)

Direct download.

Your Stupid Minds moves into our Lesser Baldwins series with the reasonably forgettable Fair Game.

Based off the same crappy book as Cobra, Kate McQueen (Cindy Crawford) is a high-powered female Miami lawyer who’s shot at while jogging. She gives her statement to the swaggering and inexplicably Italian-American Det. Max Kirkpatrick (Billy Baldwin), which then sets off a series of elaborate tech-inspired terrorist assassination attempts on Kate’s life. Max must help her survive and find out who is doing this and why. Also Salma Hayek is there.

Some Notes: