Thursday, November 13, 2014

Podcast: Link (1986)

After going months without reviewing a Cannon/Golan-Globus film, we finally snapped and watched Link, the story of an ape that doesn't seem to understand when a young Elizabeth Shue isn't interested in him that way.

Shue plays Jane (of course), a chimp apologist and student who volunteers to work with Professor Steven Phillip (Terrence Stamp)'s chimps at his remote country estate. She's greeted at the door by Link, an orangutan in chimp-makeup, and quickly befriends the various chimps, disapproving of Stamp's negativity and casual attitude towards Link smoking cigars at the dinner table. When the Professor disappears, Jane is left alone with the chimps, and eventually starts to realize that something ain't quite right. It's almost like Link won't let her leave. And what's he doing outside her bathroom while she's showering? Try closing the door, dummy.

Notes and Observations:
  • Including text reviews, I count 11 Golan-Globus films that we've reviewed. And buddy, you better believe we're not finished.
  • We take issue with the Professor's claim that his chimps are "ten times" the strength of a human. Two? Sure. Three? Maybe? But ten? No way.
  • On a related note, if any university wants to fund out research into just how strong we could make chimps, possibly by injecting them with Chimp Growth Hormone (CGH), please e-mail us and we'll work something out. We don't see the downside to this research.
  • We didn't even mention it, but the film opens with a chimp killing a cat that distracts some parents in the middle of watching a public domain film, as Marlene Dietrich wears a gorilla suit during a performance of "Hot Voodoo" in 1932's Blonde Venus. Here she is taking off the gorilla outfit.
  • We make reference to our conversation in episode 8, Cool Dog, where we first pointed out the problem with complimenting dog acting.
  • At the moment, Link is available in full on YouTube.
Direct download.

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