Your Stupid Minds covers FOX's backdoor pilot for a show all about Marvel's 92nd favorite character. The problem being that it came in fourth in the ratings and was never picked up as a series. It's 1998's Nick Fury: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. Starring David Hasselhoff, Lisa Rinna, Sandra Hess, and Ron Canada.
After HYDRA kills Clay Quartermain in a raid on a S.H.I.E.L.D. facility, Nick Fury (Hasselhoff) is brought back on after being unceremoniously kicked out five years earlier for being too cool. He abandons the gold mine he's hiding out in for the last half decade and gets back to work.
Fury reunites with his former lover and future series love interest that never was Contessa Valentina 'Val' de Allegro Fontaine (Rinna), some nerd Alexander Pierce (Neil Roberts, and yes that Alexander Pierce from Winter Soldier, but British for some reason), and a psychic and get to work stopping HYDRA.
Andrea Von Strucker (Hess) has reignited her frozen father's dream of HYDRA world domination and Nazi-style terrorism, and is also Viper. She gets the drop on Fury, and drops some tree frog poison onto his lips via her lips. He has 48 hours to live, but Fury ignores tech genius Gabriel Jones's (Canada) advice of hanging out in the infirmary until he dies, and goes on a quest to save his own life instead by extracting Andrea's blood for an antidote.
HYDRA is also planning to shoot deadly virus missiles in the general direction of the World Trade Center (collar tug) so they have to stop that too. Screenwriter David S. Goyer borrows a story idea he'll have 14 years later in The Dark Knight Rises and Val tracks a series of dummy trucks in the hopes of finding the one with the real virus bomb.
Fury invades the HYDRA compound in New Jersey and is immediately captured, but not before stashing his robot doppelgänger somewhere in an unfilmed scene. He uses said doppelgänger to fake his own death long enough to capture Andrea and extract her blood (they also thwart the missile launch), but she escapes with her dad's frozen corpse pod that she apparently strapped rockets to.
Luckily, all these loose ends are ready to tie up in FOX's new Nick Fury series that everyone will love and definitely wouldn't have moved around the schedule three times before being unceremoniously canceled after six episodes.
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