Saturday, May 4, 2013

Podcast: Barbarian Queen (1985)

Lana Clarkson Barbarian Queen

Get ready for some ancient Roman sword and sandal fun! Except for, of course, the 25 minute rape torture dungeon lull in the third act. It's Roger Cormon's Red Sonja ripoff Barbarian Queen! Starring Phil Spector's murder victim (Lana Clarkson) the Queen embarks on an ill-conceived mission to avenge her village's destruction and rescue her fiance Argan.

The trailer is NSFW.

On the way she encounters a bunch of guys who attempt/succeed in raping her. Luckily her kegel skills help her out of a few torture-chamber-related jams. She also meets the daughter of the resistance leader, and she bears a striking resemblance to the son from Mrs. Doubtfire.
Matthew Lawrence Barbarian Queen
Matthew Lawrence or girl from Barbarian Queen? You Decide.
Some other notes:
  • Chris remembers the names of tertiary characters from Masters of the Universe.
  • Tarantino, remember to call us so we can improve the script for this movie.
  • Ways to make BQ better: 40% more consensual sex, add a love story, incorporate the rebels more, bawdy burlesque show.

No comments:

Post a Comment