Podcast: Red Sonja (2025)

Did you know they made a Red Sonja remake in 2025? You didn’t? Well they did. Here it is. It’s 2025's Red Sonja, starring Matilda Lutz, Robert Sheehan, and Wallis Day.

Red Sonja (Lutz) is a young Hyrkanian girl whose village is destroyed by some evil emperor. She spends the next 20 years or so wandering around in the woods with her horse, completely incurious of the apparently vast diaspora of her people across the land. Eventually the new emperor Draygan (Sheehan) sends some guys to kill fantasy forest rhinos. Red Sonja gets mad and starts a fight with his Mercy Graves style henchwoman (slash lover? Unclear) Annisia (Day). Red Sonja loses and is imprisoned inside a little mini-Gladiator ripoff movie in the middle of this movie.

When he was young, Draygan stole half of the holy book of the Hyrkanian people, using its knowledge of power orbs, flamethrowers, and RobCo brain-computer interface chips to escape slavery and ascend to emperor.

Red Sonja fights her way out of gladiatorial bondage, still keeping her signature chainmail bikini so online weirdos don't get mad at the movie. Can she save the land and avenge her people? Is Draygan really so bad? And what’s in the second half of the holy book? Maybe like a nine-bolted crossbow or a Super Soaker that shoots acid? Who knows! You’ll have to listen to find out.

Podcast: Snow White (2025)

Your Stupid Minds returns after a brief unplanned hiatus to give you a film generally reviled in both concept and execution across the entire political spectrum. It's hopefully one of Disney's last romps into the live action remake sphere: 2025's Snow White.

We're all familiar with the formula by now: take an animated classic from the back catalogue, cast someone who can sing as the lead, someone who can't sing as the villain, fill the rest of the roles with nobodies you can pay scale, add some lens flares and CGI nightmares and shove it into theaters for a cool billion dollar global gross. This has worked time and time again despite its overwhelming superfluousness, but Snow White seems to have burst the bubble through a combination of political turmoil, excessive padding, and nightmare dwarfs.

Snow White (Rachel Zegler) is a nice lady whose queen mom dies and king dad marries the Evil Queen (Gal Gadot). The Evil Queen turns everything bad, but as long as her magic mirror tells her she's hot then Snow White is safe. One day the mirror says she isn't the hottest, and Snow White goes on the run to hide out with a cabin full of horrid looking CGI dwarfs. The 2025 version adds a bunch of dwarf lore where they have magic powers that help them find gems. This does not come up later.

Snow White meets Jonathan (Andrew Burnap) a scrappier Han Solo style update of the prince from the original film. They have some repartee and then fall in love. This version adds some new forgettable songs and expands existing songs unnecessarily in order to pad this thing out to modern acceptable feature length. They all Les Mis up to the castle at the end to confront the Evil Queen and everyone eats apple pies forever. The end.

Note: Apologies for the quality of my audio track. The recorder was low on batteries so I decided to switch to USB power, which resulted in some kind of interference. I cleaned it up to an acceptable state, but I promise it won't happen again.

Podcast: The Sword and the Sorcerer (1982)

As we gradually transition from spook em up season to Christmas time, we dip into another Albert Pyun movie with his first directing credit, 1982’s The Sword and the Sorcerer, conveniently named after its genre!

Evil usurper King Titus Cromwell (Richard Lynch, also see what they did there?) resurrects an ancient, I guess sorcerer but seems more like a demon named Xusia of Delos (Richard Moll) in order to smite the armies of his sworn enemy King Richard (Christopher Cary) and steal his kingdom. He does so, but while Xusia is weak Cromwell stabs him and he falls off a cliff.

The only survivor of the royal lineage is Prince Talon (Lee Horsley) who manages to escape and plots his revenge by getting super buff and going on adventures for eight years. He takes along his father’s sword, a non-magic sword that has three blades, two of which turn into projectiles. Then Princess Alana (Kathleen), sister of the rebel leader agrees to have sex with him if he rescues her brother, who’s been kidnapped by Cromwell. Also rescue some rebel troops trapped in a cave.

Instead, Talon gets kidnapped and crucified. Lucky for him he’s bros with all the invited guests, so he escapes and defeats everyone and has sex (offscreen).

Podcast: Garzey's Wing (1996)

What is that light? Is that Garzey’s Wing? Is he the Holy Warrior? Is that Garzey’s Wing? What was that? Garzey’s Wing? Yes, Your Stupid Minds is dipping its toe into anime for the first time ever with one of the worst OVAs of all time combined with one of the worst English dub tracks of all time. It’s Yoshiyuki Tomino’s 1996 three episode OVA Garzey’s Wing.

Chris is a recent high school graduate who is SO easy GOING and continually fails his college entrance exams. When he goes to his home town to attend a high school reunion pool party, a giant mystical duck bifurcates his consciousness and half of him goes to the parallel world of Byston Well, while his other half remains in the real world and dead-set on attending this pool party.

To put it as simply and clearly as possible, Chris must help the slaves of the Metomeus Tribe avoid the Dragorols and Daragau of Zagazoa’s War Beast Army Corps under the command of the ruthless King Fungun to get to the Boundless Plains of Gabujuju. Yamato Takeru no Mikoto has granted Chris the power of Garzey’s Wing, which allows him to fly or something. His Ferario friend Fellan-Fa, female warrior Leelince, and headband-wearing mystic Hassan-san help in this plane of reality, while real world girlfriend Rumiko lends her chi to help him on both planes while he also attends a pool party. Seems clear enough.

Combine this with an absolutely abysmal late 90s English dub track where yelling constituted acting and we’re left with an absolutely baffling experience that would still be confusing even if this series actually ended properly. Join us as we somehow make sense of our convoluted situations and discuss this cacophony of fantasy nonsense.

Some Notes:

• We had the pleasure of watching this from a bootleg recording off of Sci-Fi from 1999 with period commercials intact. This is, truly, the preferred method to watch this. You need all the Toaster Strudel commercials to process what you just watched.

Podcast: A Christmas Carol (2009)

Apparently we’re only in Day Six of the Twelve Days of Christmas (look it up), so we’re doing another Christmas movie with Disney’s Robert Zemeckis’s 2009 CGI monstrosity adaptation of A Christmas Carol!

Do I really need to explain the plot of A Christmas Carol? Ebenezer Scrooge (Jim Carrey) is visited by three spirits (Jim Carrey, Jim Carrey, and Jim Carrey) to change him of his miserly Christmas-hating ways. This adaptation is slavishly faithful to the text of the story, so it adds a lot of non-verbal CGI gobbledygook to take advantage of all 2000s era CGI 3D technology has to offer. Gary Oldman, Colin Firth, Cary Elwes, Robin Wright, and Bob Hoskins are also present.

The end! Merry Christmas!

Podcast: Return to Oz (1985)

Your Stupid Minds whisks you away to a magical fantasy land based on the L. Frank Baum novels that no one has read in the last 100 years. It's Disney's reimagined 1985 sequel Return to Oz!

In an effort to reinvigorate its flailing film releases, Disney bought the rights to the Wizard of Oz book series with the intention of revitalizing the franchise. One small issue though: the books are very dissimilar to MGM’s beloved The Wizard of Oz from 1939. No worries, the bones are still there: the Scarecrow, the Cowardly Lion, the Tin Woodsman. Oh, they’re barely in the sequels? Who are these guys? Gump? Jack Pumpkinhead? Tik-Tok? Also where are the ruby slippers? They’re silver? We have to pay MGM royalties to use the ruby ones? Oh dear.

Dorothy (Fairuza Balk) won’t shut up to Aunt Em (Piper Laurie) about this magical land of Oz where she murdered two witches and saved the Emerald City and all its diminutive residents. So naturally Aunt Em sends her off to a quack psychoanalyst who plans to electroshock this 10-year-old until she stops using her imagination.

She escapes the sanitarium and returns to Oz, teaming up with a talking chicken Billina (Denise Bryer), a robotic soldier Tik-Tok (Sean Barrett), Jack Pumpkinhead (Brian Henson) who is, let’s face it, just the Scarecrow, and Gump (Stephen Norrington) a talking moose head strapped to a flying couch.

Dorothy is determined to save the Scarecrow from the evil Nome King, and must solve a series of puzzles and challenges that were probably more interesting when they were in a children’s book. Come along with us on our flying Davenport on this wild adventure!

Podcast: Pinocchio (2022)

Here we go again! Your Stupid Minds covers another much maligned Pinocchio movie, this time the 2022 Pinocchio directed by Robert Zemeckis and instantly dumped on Disney+.

Geppetto (Tom Hanks) is a sad old man who makes a wooden boy named, you guessed it, Pinocchio (Benjamin Evan Ainsworth). Jiminy Cricket (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) is there, there’s the fox and the cat, Pleasure Island, Luke Evans appears, there’s a whale. You’ve seen the 1940 Pinocchio. You know the deal.

Added to this one: a puppet love interest, some forgettable songs, some lines about “influencers” for the Zoomers, and lots of opportunities for 3D things that you’ll probably never see since this never went to theaters. Lorraine Bracco is a seagull.

Podcast: Pinocchio (2002)

It’s Pinocchio season! With a new adaptation of the classic tale burning up awards and another… not, we decided to cover the baffling and much maligned Roberto Benigni Pinocchio from 2002!

Geppetto (Carlo Giuffré) is a sad old man who makes a son out of wood. That boy comes to life as a middle aged Italian man (Benigni) and immediately gets into lots of hijinks. He’s unruly, hyperactive, doesn’t want to go to school, and loves candy. He leaves for weeks at a time to go on adventures where he’s swindled, imprisoned, caught in a bear trap, or turned into a donkey. But the Blue Fairy (Nicoletta Braschi) teaches him how to be less horrible and he becomes a real boy/full grown man.

What makes this even more baffling is the atrociously mismatched English dub, featuring Breckin Meyer, Glenn Close, Eric Idle, John Cleese, Kevin James, Eddie Griffin, Cheech Marin, Topher Grace, Queen Latifah, Regis Philbin, and Jim Belushi.

Podcast: Heavenly Sword (2014)

 

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Blockade Entertainment went to Sony with a dream. “What if,” they said, “we took one of your lesser PS3 exclusive games and used old existing game assets to make a big budget movie?” Sony said “let’s do it!” and fished around in their couch cushions for enough money to slap this together on the cheap using a third string Korean animation studio. What we have is 2014’s Heavenly Sword, based on the 2007 game that no one remembered even at the time.

Nariko (Anna Torv) is an orphan part of a nomadic group of warriors tasked with protecting the “Heavenly Sword,” a powerful sword that is magic or something. But evil King Bohan (Alfred Molina, NOT Andy Serkis as IMDb claims. Serkis voiced him in the game) has made a pact with the Raven God and wants the sword to do evil things.

Bohan attacks the group’s base (I thought they were nomadic?) and Nariko is tasked with finding her long lost brother Loki (Thomas Jane), who is the chosen one and can use Heavenly Sword powers to defeat Bohan. Nariko goes on her quest with Kai (Ashleigh Ball) a violent little girl who turns out to be her sister. Also it turns out her dad is the group’s leader Master Shen (Nolan North) who hates girls.

Podcast: The King's Daughter (2022)

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Your Stupid Minds accidentally reviews two Kaya Scodelario movies in a row by covering a film shot in 2014 and intended to release in 2015. Instead it was dumped unceremoniously into theaters in January of this year. It’s 2022’s The King’s Daughter! Directed by Sean McNamara (3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain).

Marie-Josephe (Scodelario) is an orphan brought to 18th century Versailles for unknown reasons. It turns out she’s, get this, the king’s daughter. Specifically, the daughter of King Louis XIV (Pierce Brosnon). So she must navigate the court intrigue of the palace while she finds true love.

ALSO, the king wants to live forever, so he uses his quack court doctor Labarthe (Pablo Schreiber) to concoct a plan wherein if he eats the heart of a mermaid during an eclipse, he will achieve immortality. So the king hires a Captain Yves (Benjamin Walker) to capture a mermaid (Bingbing Fan) to do the deed. Will he go through with it? Will he have a change of heart? Did anyone see this movie? You’ll have to listen to find out.

Some Notes:

• In the time between shooting and release, Kaya Scodelario and Benjamin Walker met, dated, got engaged, got married, and had two children.
• One of the main reasons it was on the shelf for so long was Bingbing Fan, who plays the mermaid, got into some tax issues with the Chinese government and is basically blacklisted. Since this film had a lot of Chinese funding, the presumption was they were waiting for the scandal to blow over so it could release in China. It never did, so it was dumped into theaters this year.
• Also this is technically an anniversary episode. The Your Stupid Minds podcast began just over ten years ago: May 2, 2012. 🥳

Podcast: The Sorcerer's Apprentice (2010)

 

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Your Stupid Minds returns to the well of meh Disney movies with an unfaithful adaptation of the broom dancing sequence from Fantasia. It’s 2010’s The Sorcerer’s Apprentice!

In a flashback to 740 A.D., Merlin (James A. Stephens) is betrayed by this trusted apprentice Horvath (Alfred Molina) and slain by the evil sorcerer Morgana (Alice Krige). A bunch of years later, in 2000 A.D., a kid named Dave (played by Jay Baruchel when he grows up) wanders into a curio shop and is given a magic dragon ring by Balthazar (Nicolas Cage). Ten MORE years later, in 2010 A.D., they must work together to stop Horvath from freeing Morgana, who will destroy the world or something.

Some Notes:

• Jay Bachual's only Disney role to date.

Podcast: Artemis Fowl (2020)

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Your Stupid Minds returns to its alternating YA theme with a book adaptation that Miramax and Disney had big hopes for, and then was dumped on Disney+ in the middle of the pandemic without so much as a $20 premium to watch it. It's 2020's Artemis Fowl, directed by Sir Kenneth Branagh.

Artemis Fowl II (Ferdia Shaw) is a super smart smarmy super genius whose mom is dead and dad (Artemis Fowl I, played by Colin Farrell) keeps leaving for long stretches of time for strange and sexy adventures. But one of dad's adventures puts him in hot water with a mysterious fairy (who looks like Ronan the Accuser) who kidnaps the dad and demands Artemis II give them the Aculos, an egg-shaped MacGuffin that has a bunch of power and stuff. Can Artemis save his dad? Using an elaborate heist-like plan and high charisma buff? Yeah.

Some Notes:

• The plot to this movie veers wildly from the original book. In the novel, Artemis holds a fairy for random, demanding a ton of leprechaun gold. Then, almost as an afterthought, he pays half the gold to his captive to cure his mom's insanity.
• Way too much gravely voice in this one.
• Available on Disney+.

Podcast: The Nutcracker and the Four Realms (2018)

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Just in time for Christmas, we review our third Nutcracker movie in five years, 2018’s The Nutcracker and the Four Realms! Eventually filmmakers will run out of ways to ruin this classic public domain story.

Clara’s (Mackenzie Foy) mom is dead. She and her family are sad. Her dead mom gives her a toy egg with a lock but no key. Clara goes to a Christmas party, talks to a weird scientist Drosselmeyer (Morgan Freeman) and finds herself in another realm (or realms? We’re not entirely sure which realm is what) with a Sugar Plum fairy (Keira Knightley), a Mother Ginger (Helen Mirren), a guy dressed as an 18th century soldier but is just a regular dude but I guess he’s the Nutcracker but his name is Phillip (Jayden Fowora-Knight), and some rats.

There’s something about finding the key, yes the key to the egg but also to a machine that does bad or good things. Some tin soldiers come to life and there’s a clown gang. There’s also some dancing.

Podcast: Deathstalker II (1987)

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Your Stupid Minds goes back to its roots (we always say that) to cover a movie that, as Mary Berry likes to say, ticks all the boxes. Roger Cormon, Jim Wynorski, ‘80s, swords and sandals, buff dudes, John Lazar... Deathstalker II has it all!

Deathstalker (John Terlesky) helps out a seer/princess Reena/Evie (Monique Gabrielle) regain her throne after the evil Jarek the Sorcerer (John Lazar) seizes the throne and clones an evil version of the princess to serve as his princess queen. Deathstalker is a swaggering mercenary who reluctantly goes on the mission, but stops a few times for side quests involving cemetery jewels. There are also amazons, nudity, wrestling, dwarves, bar fights, and a matter transmitting video phone bog.

Some Notes:

• Directed by Your Stupid Minds regular Jim Wynorski (Vampirella, Desert Thunder, Chopping Mall).
• Featuring some higgledy-piggledy world-building, including henchmen who claim to know Genghis Khan, Attila the Hun, and Ivan the Terrible; figures of history which span roughly 1,200 years.
• Featuring Dee Booher, a.k.a. Matilda the Hun from the original Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling television series. She is credited as Queen Kong, her roller derby name at the time.

Podcast: The Little Mermaid (2018)

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Your Stupid Minds starts a new life... under the sea! Just in time for DC Comics' aquatic superhero movie, and (probably) two years before Disney makes an embarrassing remake of The Little Mermaid, it's the Walgreens genetic brand The Little Mermaid! Armando Gutierrez is a "banker, political consultant, and entrepreneur," who decided he should also become a movie producer after producing and appearing in Walt Before Mickey, a film version of a negative bio of Walt Disney. Armando teamed up with Blake Harris (writer, 12 Dates of Christmas), to make a public domain version of the Little Mermaid!

A grandmother (Academy Award winner Shirley MacLaine) tells a familiar story of mermaids to her doubting grand-kids. After they scoff at the idea of mermaids, she tells a story that for legal reasons is entirely new: in the early 1900s, handsome journalist Cam (William Moseley, Peter from Chronicles of Narnia) takes care of his niece Elle, who has a vague asthma-like ailment that she fancifully associates with being a mermaid.

Cam's boss tells him to go on assignment in Mississippi to investigate a mermaid and a circus selling a mermaid panacea. Cam doubts whether the story is true, even though it seems to directly relate to his own life. Will Cam fall in love with the mermaid? Will Elle get her mermaid-itis treated? Did I mention there are three other characters with super-powers in addition to the mermaid at this circus? Well, there are.

Welcome to Note-Vale:

• Armando and Blake are already on to their next project, Anastasia, where Armando will play Rasputin. Brandon Routh has been cast as Tsar Nicholas.
• Chris embarrassingly did not recognize Gina Gershon, star of Showgirls, Bound, Face/Off, etc. To the best of our knowledge, her only other film on the podcast is a cameo appearance in LOL, where she gets high with Demi Moore and real-life friend Fisher Stevens.
• When the Mermaid assumes mermaid form, she grows her scale bra back; this raises a lot of biologic questions that we need answered! Please write in if you have theories.

Podcast: Gor (1987)

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Your Stupid Minds once again takes on a Cannon Picture (and separately, a movie somewhat focused on submission/domination) with 1987’s Gor, based on the fetishist fantasy science fiction books by John Norman.

Cabot (Urbano Barberini) is a college professor whose lectures focus on magic rings that transport people to Counter-Earth, a planet that lies on the opposite side of Earth’s orbit and perpetually masked by the sun.

After his girlfriend breaks up with him, Cabot gets into a car accident and is transported to Counter-Earth, also known as Gor. It is a savage land of prehistoric people with primitive weapons, dirty/sexy loin cloths, and slave women. Cabot must find the Home Stone (that looks like a giant Pop Rock) in order to get back to earth. Also a dwarf is there.

Some notes:

• I could only find the trailer in German, so here's the full movie on YouTube.
• Here's John Norman's 34th Gor book, released in 2016, Plunder of Gor.
• For the record, Sean Connery in Zardoz does have double straps along with his tiny red Speedo.

Podcast: Prince Valiant (1997)

Your Stupid Minds transitions from Halloween season into Renaissance Festival season with the 90s low-budget medieval fantasy movie Prince Valiant! Based on the boring, overwritten comic strip from the Sunday newspaper’s back page that your grandparents never read, this film adaptation eschews the sweeping ongoing medieval tale and instead opts for a trim 90 minute action movie with swords instead of firearms.

I can't find an English version of the trailer, so here's the German one.

Lowly squire Valiant (Stephen Moyer) steps in at the joust for his knight after an unfortunate concussion and proceeds to not even win. King Arthur (Edward Fox) sends him on a mission to return Princess Ilene (Katherine Heigl) to her home country after Excalibur is stolen by what he thinks are Scots. In reality, goons led by Sligon the Usurper are the culprits. Sligon stole Merlin’s spell book (titled simply, “Merlin”) and plans to use it to take over the kingdom. It’s up to Valiant and his new friends Boltar (Ron Perlman) and Pechet (Warwick Davis) to stop him.

Some Notes:

• You see Katherine Heigl's butt.
• You know you want to see how a duel between Prince Charles and Joe Biden would play out.
• Chris makes a brief reference to this baffling passage of the Bible, Genesis 18:33: "And the LORD went his way, as soon as he had left communing with Abraham: and Abraham returned unto his place." Where did God walk off to?
• Mary Worth's lame comic strip Avengers team:
• Prince Valiant
• Hägar the Horrible
• The Wizard of Id
• Marmaduke
• Spider-Man (comic strip version)

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Podcast: Highlander: Endgame (2000)

We continue our theme of “Unnecessary Sequels Readily Available on Netflix Which Involve Immortality, Resurrection, and Christian-motifed Revenge Plots” to bring you our second reviewed Highlander movie: Highlander: Endgame!

Wiping away all memories of Highlander II: The Quickening, Endgame brings in the star of the Highlander television series Duncan MacLeod (Adrian Paul) as he carries the torch from the ridiculously haircutted Connor McLeod (Christopher Lambert). Evil highlander Jacob Kell (YSM favorite Bruce Payne) is killing highlanders in some elaborate 500 year old revenge plot, and it’s up to Duncan to stop him. There are also large gaps in the highlander mythos which we assume are filled by Highlander III: The Sorcerer and the television series, though Endgame does a poor job of bringing us into the fold. Mostly the movie is a mishmash of self-contradicting highlander rules enforced by either the Watchers, a mortal group calculating highlander power levels, or no one. It’s not entirely clear.

If you like horrible period drama wigs, a confusing confluence of western and eastern influences, and Bruce Payne mugging his way through the movie, Highlander: Endgame may be for you! We’ll do our best to nitpick highlander rules, contemplate the aggressive nature of immortal sex, and discuss the prevalence of the White Guy Karate throughout the film.

Some Notes:

• Please direct complaints to: Duncan MacLeod, 123 Highlander Street, Scotland.
• In adherence to Rule 34, here's a link to a Google search of Highlander slash fiction (probably NSFW). This genre has apparently lied dormant for a while, since most website devoted to the topic are still within a Highlander webring.
• If you're able to kill an immortal by cutting off its head, is it really an immortal?
• Available on Netflix and Amazon Instant Video.

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Podcast: The Barbarians (1987)

Journey with us, listener, back into the days before Jesus banned magic, back when crossbows and saddles were common. Journey with us to the land of the 1987 Conan rip-off, The Barbarians. Because what's better than one enormously buff dude with poor enunciation? TWO identical buff dudes with poor enunciation! Peter and David Paul, aka the Barbarian Brothers, make their debut!

Notes and Observations

• Unlike previously reviewed sword-and-sandal YSM review Barbarian Queen (reviewed one year ago this week!), zero shirts are ripped and no one is sexually assaulted (on-screen), although two identically buff men do pretend to kiss to trick a guard.
• Director Ruggero Deodato is probably best known for Cannibal Holocaust and other Italian gore movies.
• The Equilibrium DVD cover doesn't actually say that it's better than The Matrix, it simply tells you to forget about The Matrix entirely.
• The IMDb description in its entirety in case it ever changes:

The young orphans Kutchek and Gore have been adopted by a tribe of clowns, mentally challenged dolphins, juggling monkeys, a transvestite magician and other forgettable entertainers. The tribe is led by the queen Canary (not an actually Canary but a Man dressed as a women dressed as a Dolphin) and its wealth stems from her magical belly hole. The evil ruler Kadar desires Canary's breasts and her magic stone hole, and attacks her clan's caravan to gain possession of them. Before the clan's defeat one of the clansmen sneak away to hide the stone. Canary is locked up in Kadar's harem, Kutchek and Gore in his quarry to be trained as gladiators, and the rest of the clan is to live as outlaws in the woods. When Kutchek and Gore have grown up to VERY big gladiators, they run away and break into Kadar's harem with the aid of the young woman Lemone aid. Canary quests them to find "The Old King's Weapons" and with these kill the dragon that guards the hidden belly hole. Afterwards they should find a new queen and give her the stone, to restore the tribe to its former glory.

• The entire flick is on YouTube, for the cheap and curious. You can also buy it from Amazon bundled with The Norsemen.
• The Brothers would have their scene in Natural Born Killers cut, but it's definitely worth checking out.

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Podcast: Dungeons & Dragons (2000)

From the studio that brought you the Lord of the Rings trilogy, it's the vastly inferior fantasy tale Dungeons & Dragons! Taking a cue from Star Wars (by which we mean ripped off wholesale), D&D tells the story of the thief Ridley (Justin Whalen) and his cowardly black stereotype friend Snails (Marlon Wayans). The pair teams up with a mage, dwarf, and elf to get a map to acquire the jewel to get the rod to do something or whatever. Also starring Thora Birch as the Amidala-like empress, and the always amazing Jeremy Irons as the evil mage Profion.


Chris and Nick compare the movie to other fantasy dreck (such as the eerily similar Eragon, also starring Irons), the anti-Semitic Legolas in The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug, why the Hero's Journey doesn't work for a D&D movie, and who thought it was a good idea to add areolae to the Elf's breastplate.

Some Notes:

• The full version is on YouTube for some reason. You can also rent and buy on Amazon.
• Director and noted man Courtney Solomon was recently involved in a lawsuit regarding a D&D reboot next summer.
• For more fantasy garbage, listen to our episode for In the Name of the King 2: Two Worlds. For another Star Wars ripoff, listen to Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone.

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