Podcast: George of the Jungle 2 (2003)

We cover direct to video sequel to moderate Disney hit. Brendan Fraser say no to come back. No Leslie Mann either. Thomas Haden Church say yes. Career in toilet after Wings before Sideways. It George of the Jungle 2. From 2003.

Six years after the first film, George (now played by Christopher Showerman, which sounds like an alias someone came up with extemporaneously while in a locker room) and Ursula (now played by Julie Benz) have a five-year-old son George Jr. (played by an obviously way older than five Angus T. Jones). George balances home life with his duties as King of the Jungle. His role at the top spot is challenged by Mean Lion (Michael Clarke Duncan).

Meanwhile George's evil mother-in-law Beatrice (Christina Pickles) and Ursula's evil ex Lyle Van de Groot (Church) are plotting to seize Ape Island by stealing the deed from George's underwear. Ape (John Cleese) is working off gambling debts as a lounge singer. Also, Beatrice uses a Vegas hypnotist to mind control Ursula into getting back together with Van de Groot.

Will George save his family? Will be still be King of the Jungle? Will George Jr. ever enjoy swinging (a plot element we mostly missed)? Will Thomas Haden Church get an atomic wedgie from the hand of God? What abacus was used to generate the CGI effects? You'll just have to listen to find out!

Also, a warning to parents: George gets hurt into crashes tree, George's mouth wood tree then falls into ground. (no blood and injuries appearances)

Podcast: Man of the House (1995)

Your Stupid Minds is back in 2026 with 1995's Man of the House, part of a crop of mid-90s Disney live action comedies about how hard it is to be a father or whatever. Starring Chevy Chase, Farrah Fawcett, Jonathan Taylor Thomas, and George Wendt.

After Ben's (JTT) father left the family years ago, he has formed a close bond with his mother Sandy (Fawcett) and is wary of her new fiancé, U.S. Attorney Jack (Chase). In an effort to bond with his future stepson, Jack joins the Indian Guides and befriends a bunch of weirdos, including pack (or whatever, I only know Boy Scout terms) leader Chet (Wendt). Eventually, through the ancient art of being corny as hell, Jack slowly grows a connection with Ben and cracks his cool Six Flags appareled 90s exterior.

Meanwhile in a completely different movie, Jack has put away a stereotypical mob guy in prison for fifty years and the bumbling mobster son has vowed revenge. In the climactic finale, the mob son and his doofy capos traipse around the woods of the Pacific Northwest trying to assassinate Clark Griswold like they're in that Pine Barrens episode of The Sopranos. Since this is a Disney family comedy, spoiler alert, Chevy Chase isn’t assassinated by mobsters.

Podcast: Snow White (2025)

Your Stupid Minds returns after a brief unplanned hiatus to give you a film generally reviled in both concept and execution across the entire political spectrum. It's hopefully one of Disney's last romps into the live action remake sphere: 2025's Snow White.

We're all familiar with the formula by now: take an animated classic from the back catalogue, cast someone who can sing as the lead, someone who can't sing as the villain, fill the rest of the roles with nobodies you can pay scale, add some lens flares and CGI nightmares and shove it into theaters for a cool billion dollar global gross. This has worked time and time again despite its overwhelming superfluousness, but Snow White seems to have burst the bubble through a combination of political turmoil, excessive padding, and nightmare dwarfs.

Snow White (Rachel Zegler) is a nice lady whose queen mom dies and king dad marries the Evil Queen (Gal Gadot). The Evil Queen turns everything bad, but as long as her magic mirror tells her she's hot then Snow White is safe. One day the mirror says she isn't the hottest, and Snow White goes on the run to hide out with a cabin full of horrid looking CGI dwarfs. The 2025 version adds a bunch of dwarf lore where they have magic powers that help them find gems. This does not come up later.

Snow White meets Jonathan (Andrew Burnap) a scrappier Han Solo style update of the prince from the original film. They have some repartee and then fall in love. This version adds some new forgettable songs and expands existing songs unnecessarily in order to pad this thing out to modern acceptable feature length. They all Les Mis up to the castle at the end to confront the Evil Queen and everyone eats apple pies forever. The end.

Note: Apologies for the quality of my audio track. The recorder was low on batteries so I decided to switch to USB power, which resulted in some kind of interference. I cleaned it up to an acceptable state, but I promise it won't happen again.

Podcast: Holy Matrimony (1994)

Your Stupid Minds returns to its loose theme of "Sicko Movies from the 1990s" (see: Blank Check, Milk Money, First Kid) with the hilarious premise of "what if an adult woman married a child as a joke?" It's 1994's Holy Matrimony, starring Patricia Arquette, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and Tate Donovan. Directed by Leonard Nimoy.

After a life-changing carnival-money heist executed by Havana (Arquette) and her boyfriend Peter (Donovan), the pair retreat to a Canadian Hutterite community to lay low until the heat dies down. Peter is a former member of the community pretending he wants to return to the fold. In order to stay, he and Havana must marry. But when he dies in a car accident, due to their levirate marriage tradition (based on Deuteronomy 25:5), Havana must marry Peter's 12 year old brother Zeke (Gordon-Levitt) or be cast out. Since she wants to find her heist money, she calls their bluff and marries the child.

The movie descends into some second act zaniness where she learns the value of hard work (or doesn't), then they must go back to the United States to return the money, and are pursued by a corrupt FBI agent Markoski (John Schuck). Will they return the money? Will anyone learn a lesson? Is this movie as gross as the premise implies? You'll have to listen to find out!

Podcast: A Christmas Carol (2009)

Apparently we’re only in Day Six of the Twelve Days of Christmas (look it up), so we’re doing another Christmas movie with Disney’s Robert Zemeckis’s 2009 CGI monstrosity adaptation of A Christmas Carol!

Do I really need to explain the plot of A Christmas Carol? Ebenezer Scrooge (Jim Carrey) is visited by three spirits (Jim Carrey, Jim Carrey, and Jim Carrey) to change him of his miserly Christmas-hating ways. This adaptation is slavishly faithful to the text of the story, so it adds a lot of non-verbal CGI gobbledygook to take advantage of all 2000s era CGI 3D technology has to offer. Gary Oldman, Colin Firth, Cary Elwes, Robin Wright, and Bob Hoskins are also present.

The end! Merry Christmas!

Podcast: Pinocchio (2022)

Here we go again! Your Stupid Minds covers another much maligned Pinocchio movie, this time the 2022 Pinocchio directed by Robert Zemeckis and instantly dumped on Disney+.

Geppetto (Tom Hanks) is a sad old man who makes a wooden boy named, you guessed it, Pinocchio (Benjamin Evan Ainsworth). Jiminy Cricket (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) is there, there’s the fox and the cat, Pleasure Island, Luke Evans appears, there’s a whale. You’ve seen the 1940 Pinocchio. You know the deal.

Added to this one: a puppet love interest, some forgettable songs, some lines about “influencers” for the Zoomers, and lots of opportunities for 3D things that you’ll probably never see since this never went to theaters. Lorraine Bracco is a seagull.

Podcast: A Kid in King Arthur's Court (1995)

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This time, Your Stupid Minds reviews a forgettable 90s family movie that is available on Disney+, 1995’s A Kid in King Arthur’s Court. A kid travels back in time (or to an alternate universe where King Arthur actually existed) to 6th century England to show medieval people the wonders of Rollerblades and portable CD players.

Click to watch the trailer, since Disney has locked this shit down and you can't embed the trailer.

Calvin (Thomas Ian Nicholas) falls through a crack in the earth after sucking at a baseball game and finds himself in Camelot. He spends most of his time in this extremely strange situation trying to court King Arthur’s (Joss Ackland) daughter Princess Katey (Paloma Baeza). But also an evil Lord Belasco (Art Malik) has a nefarious plot to marry the king’s other daughter Sarah (Kate Winslet), even though she’s in love with the jousting instructor Master Kane (Daniel Craig). Calvin defeats the bad guy mostly though 90s catchphrases and gadgets.

Podcast: The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader (2010)

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Your Stupid Minds continues its “semi-recent movies that actually aren’t that bad and available on Disney Plus” series with the third Narnia movie that Disney dumped and neither of us got around to seeing until now. It’s 2010’s The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader!

Edmund (Skandar Keynes) and Lucy (Georgie Henley) are stuck in northern England waiting out the Blitz with their annoying cousin Eustace (Will Poulter) when they’re sucked into a painting and end up back in Narnia. They board King Caspian’s (Ben Barnes) ship the Dawn Treader and must recover some magic swords to stop an evil green mist from ravaging the land.

Some Notes:

• After Prince Caspian underperformed at the box office, Disney quibbled with Walden Media over the budget (Disney wanted it to be $100 million, Walden wanted it to be something less absurd). Disney left the project and 20th Century Fox picked it up. When Disney bought Fox, Dawn Treader came back to them.

Podcast: The Sorcerer's Apprentice (2010)

 

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Your Stupid Minds returns to the well of meh Disney movies with an unfaithful adaptation of the broom dancing sequence from Fantasia. It’s 2010’s The Sorcerer’s Apprentice!

In a flashback to 740 A.D., Merlin (James A. Stephens) is betrayed by this trusted apprentice Horvath (Alfred Molina) and slain by the evil sorcerer Morgana (Alice Krige). A bunch of years later, in 2000 A.D., a kid named Dave (played by Jay Baruchel when he grows up) wanders into a curio shop and is given a magic dragon ring by Balthazar (Nicolas Cage). Ten MORE years later, in 2010 A.D., they must work together to stop Horvath from freeing Morgana, who will destroy the world or something.

Some Notes:

• Jay Bachual's only Disney role to date.

Podcast: Artemis Fowl (2020)

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Your Stupid Minds returns to its alternating YA theme with a book adaptation that Miramax and Disney had big hopes for, and then was dumped on Disney+ in the middle of the pandemic without so much as a $20 premium to watch it. It's 2020's Artemis Fowl, directed by Sir Kenneth Branagh.

Artemis Fowl II (Ferdia Shaw) is a super smart smarmy super genius whose mom is dead and dad (Artemis Fowl I, played by Colin Farrell) keeps leaving for long stretches of time for strange and sexy adventures. But one of dad's adventures puts him in hot water with a mysterious fairy (who looks like Ronan the Accuser) who kidnaps the dad and demands Artemis II give them the Aculos, an egg-shaped MacGuffin that has a bunch of power and stuff. Can Artemis save his dad? Using an elaborate heist-like plan and high charisma buff? Yeah.

Some Notes:

• The plot to this movie veers wildly from the original book. In the novel, Artemis holds a fairy for random, demanding a ton of leprechaun gold. Then, almost as an afterthought, he pays half the gold to his captive to cure his mom's insanity.
• Way too much gravely voice in this one.
• Available on Disney+.

Podcast: The Nutcracker and the Four Realms (2018)

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Just in time for Christmas, we review our third Nutcracker movie in five years, 2018’s The Nutcracker and the Four Realms! Eventually filmmakers will run out of ways to ruin this classic public domain story.

Clara’s (Mackenzie Foy) mom is dead. She and her family are sad. Her dead mom gives her a toy egg with a lock but no key. Clara goes to a Christmas party, talks to a weird scientist Drosselmeyer (Morgan Freeman) and finds herself in another realm (or realms? We’re not entirely sure which realm is what) with a Sugar Plum fairy (Keira Knightley), a Mother Ginger (Helen Mirren), a guy dressed as an 18th century soldier but is just a regular dude but I guess he’s the Nutcracker but his name is Phillip (Jayden Fowora-Knight), and some rats.

There’s something about finding the key, yes the key to the egg but also to a machine that does bad or good things. Some tin soldiers come to life and there’s a clown gang. There’s also some dancing.

Podcast: First Kid (1996)

 

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Your Stupid Minds is staying political with 1996’s First Kid. Haven’t you wanted to see what would happen if a snot-nosed child of the President of the United States teamed up with Sinbad? Your wish has come true!

Luke Davenport (Brock Pierce) is the teenaged son of the president. He doesn’t get along with his current Secret Service agent, so Sam Simms (Sinbad) is assigned to his detail. He sneaks him out of the White House, teaches him how to fight against prep school bully Rob (Zachery Ty Bryan), and gives him the moves to get the girl.

Some Notes:

• Is it really FDR on the dime? Or is it Harry Truman?
• This movie exists in an alternate universe where Bill Clinton loses the 1996 election but is still on good terms with the candidate who defeated him.
• If someone is named "moongoose12" in a snake-themed chatroom, don't trust that person.
• LOL. (laugh out loud)
• All First Kids had a secret cry hole.

Podcast: Blank Check (1994)

Your Stupid Minds returns to 1990s children’s movies with Disney’s Blank Check! Featuring threats of murder, smoking, horrible parenting, potential statutory rape, and Michael Lerner.

Twelve year old Preston Waters (Brian Bonsall) has it rough. He never has enough tokens for the roller coasters at Fiesta Texas, his parents don’t respect him, and his annoying brothers are allowed to set up a home office is his penthouse-sized bedroom. Fortunately a run in with a criminal (Miguel Ferrer) grants his access to a blank check tied to a criminal bank account with exactly one million dollars in laundered funds. 

After Preston uses his personal computer to commit check fraud, the crooked bank president (Lerner) thinks he is the criminal contact and hands off a million bucks to a pre-teen. It’s now up to the crooks to catch this kid before he spends all the money, which Preston does dutifully in six days purchasing a castle, waterslide, personal limo driver, virtual reality helmet, and truck full of branded Chips Ahoy! packaged cookie products.

Will Preston’s newfound wealth (which he spends under the artfully crafted pseudonym “Mr. Macintosh”) allow him to start a romantic relationship with an adult woman (Karen Duffy)? Or will he learn that money can’t buy happiness? Or will the movie hedge its bets and preach a simultaneously pro and anti capitalist message while Home Alone style hijinks ensue?

Some Notes:

• For anyone in the FBI or with FBI contacts: If an agent maintains a regular job while undercover, does that agent get to keep her paycheck?
• The castle Preston purchases in the film is a real house in Austin now owned by Robert Rodriguez.
• Featuring Joe's mom from Wishbone as the real estate agent.
• Someone wonderfully and appropriately edited together a mash up of Blank Check and The Wolf of Wall Street trailer.

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