Sunday, November 15, 2015

Podcast: Prince Valiant (1997)

Your Stupid Minds transitions from Halloween season into Renaissance Festival season with the 90s low-budget medieval fantasy movie Prince Valiant! Based on the boring, overwritten comic strip from the Sunday newspaper’s back page that your grandparents never read, this film adaptation eschews the sweeping ongoing medieval tale and instead opts for a trim 90 minute action movie with swords instead of firearms.

I can't find an English version of the trailer, so here's the German one.

Lowly squire Valiant (Stephen Moyer) steps in at the joust for his knight after an unfortunate concussion and proceeds to not even win. King Arthur (Edward Fox) sends him on a mission to return Princess Ilene (Katherine Heigl) to her home country after Excalibur is stolen by what he thinks are Scots. In reality, goons led by Sligon the Usurper are the culprits. Sligon stole Merlin’s spell book (titled simply, “Merlin”) and plans to use it to take over the kingdom. It’s up to Valiant and his new friends Boltar (Ron Perlman) and Pechet (Warwick Davis) to stop him.

Some Notes:
  • You see Katherine Heigl's butt.
  • You know you want to see how a duel between Prince Charles and Joe Biden would play out.
  • Chris makes a brief reference to this baffling passage of the Bible, Genesis 18:33: "And the LORD went his way, as soon as he had left communing with Abraham: and Abraham returned unto his place." Where did God walk off to?
  • Mary Worth's lame comic strip Avengers team:
    • Prince Valiant
    • H├Ągar the Horrible
    • The Wizard of Id
    • Marmaduke
    • Spider-Man (comic strip version)

Direct download.

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