Podcast: The Barbarians (1987)

Journey with us, listener, back into the days before Jesus banned magic, back when crossbows and saddles were common. Journey with us to the land of the 1987 Conan rip-off, The Barbarians. Because what's better than one enormously buff dude with poor enunciation? TWO identical buff dudes with poor enunciation! Peter and David Paul, aka the Barbarian Brothers, make their debut!

Notes and Observations

• Unlike previously reviewed sword-and-sandal YSM review Barbarian Queen (reviewed one year ago this week!), zero shirts are ripped and no one is sexually assaulted (on-screen), although two identically buff men do pretend to kiss to trick a guard.
• Director Ruggero Deodato is probably best known for Cannibal Holocaust and other Italian gore movies.
• The Equilibrium DVD cover doesn't actually say that it's better than The Matrix, it simply tells you to forget about The Matrix entirely.
• The IMDb description in its entirety in case it ever changes:

The young orphans Kutchek and Gore have been adopted by a tribe of clowns, mentally challenged dolphins, juggling monkeys, a transvestite magician and other forgettable entertainers. The tribe is led by the queen Canary (not an actually Canary but a Man dressed as a women dressed as a Dolphin) and its wealth stems from her magical belly hole. The evil ruler Kadar desires Canary's breasts and her magic stone hole, and attacks her clan's caravan to gain possession of them. Before the clan's defeat one of the clansmen sneak away to hide the stone. Canary is locked up in Kadar's harem, Kutchek and Gore in his quarry to be trained as gladiators, and the rest of the clan is to live as outlaws in the woods. When Kutchek and Gore have grown up to VERY big gladiators, they run away and break into Kadar's harem with the aid of the young woman Lemone aid. Canary quests them to find "The Old King's Weapons" and with these kill the dragon that guards the hidden belly hole. Afterwards they should find a new queen and give her the stone, to restore the tribe to its former glory.

• The entire flick is on YouTube, for the cheap and curious. You can also buy it from Amazon bundled with The Norsemen.
• The Brothers would have their scene in Natural Born Killers cut, but it's definitely worth checking out.

Direct Download.