Friday, May 26, 2017

Podcast: Alone in the Dark (2005)

Direct download.

Bad movie expert Nathan Smith returns to the podcast with another Uwe Boll masterpiece, his sophomore entry into his mid 2000s video game trilogy (I know he’s done more but House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark, and BloodRayne are the gold standard) Alone in the Dark!

For reason reason I could only find the full trailer in German.

Based on a computer game no one’s played, this one features Christian Slater as a globetrotting paranormal investigator, Tara Reid as an archeologist and expert in fictional ancient languages, and Stephen Dorff as the head of Bureau 713, a secret government organization that seeks to protect the world from paranormal dangers. An evil old man tries to unlock monsters from the legend of the ancient Mayan-like civilization the Abkani, and it’s up to the team to stop him. Or open it before him? It isn’t entirely clear.

Some Notes:

  • A great Something Awful piece from the initial screenwriter of Alone in the Dark who quit the project.
  • Even though Christian Slater says his name in the movie, the security guard is only known as "Guard" in the credits.
  • Who's a bigger star? J├╝rgen Prochnow (Das Boot, Dune) or Clint Howard (Apollo 13, Santa with Muscles)?
  • Ho-Sung Pak, who plays Liu Kang in the video games for Mortal Kombat and Mortal Kombat II, is also Agent Marko in Alone in the Dark. Marko dies when he falls into a pit of spikes.
  • The full chorus lyrics for the hit song "I Wish I Had a Hoagie" by Nightlunch:
    • I wish I had a hoagie
      For one moment of lunch
      I wish I had your hoagie
      Your pastrami on a bun
      I'm in love with my crust
      Burning toast it is a must
      I wish I had your hoagie tonight

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