Double Team (1997)

There was a time in America when the basketball player was our nation's superhero. By the 1990s, the powers that be decided that if these titans could excel on the court, surely they could achieve greatness at everything else, be it acting, comedy, selling products, or rapping.

Of course superheroes need their villains, and Dennis Rodman epitomized the Jordan antithesis. His raucous on court persona often overshadowed his amazing defense, and would take every opportunity for the sake of victory.

In 1997, he punished his fans as much as his competitors by teaming up with Jean Claude Van Damme in the action/comedy/martial arts buddy action comedy Double Team. Directed by John Woo wannabe Hark Sui (Once Upon a Time in China 1, 2, 3, and 5), Double Team is a love story between super spy Jack Quinn (Van Damme), the woman he loves (Natacha Lindinger), himself (Van Damme) his unborn child he also loves (unnamed), and the goofy giant tattooed arms dealer Yaz (Rodman), whose eyes he looks into deeply in times of great stress.

Go pound it.

Cobra (1986)

In the 1980s, Los Angeles was out of control. Minorities were walking the streets with no fear, left untouched in bars and clubs, and parking in legal designated spaces without any sort of hassle or intimidation.

That all changed when Lieutenant Marion "Cobra" Cobretti (Sylvester Stallone) came onto the scene. Part of the LAPD's infamous "Zombie Squad" (named as such because they are "the bottom line," whatever that means), Cobra drives through the mean streets in his 40s-era Batman car (license plate "AWSOM 50"), matchstick in mouth and pistol in waistband. He's everything our society values in a police officer: carelessness, violence, and a complete lack of administrative oversight.

Kazaam (1996)

1996 was in many ways a simpler time. Apple pies were 10% more delicious, our country wasn't bogged down with idiotic political bickering, and basketball players were routinely given lead roles in major motion pictures. Not only did 1996 give us the incomparable Space Jam, it combined that with Kazaam, a gritty re-telling of Aladdin featuring a rapping genie and promising "slam dunk fun."

Even the font is slam-dunk fun!

Mac and Me (1988)

If you walked out of ET saying "man I wish this movie was more manipulative and sentimental and had more product placement," good news, Coke and McDonalds heard you! The result was 1988's Mac and Me!

Coca Cola's biggest blunder since New Coke.