Podcast: Stone Cold (1991)

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Your Stupid Minds goes back to its roots (once again) with the first foray into Hollywood(ish) by former football washout Brian “The Boz” Bosworth: 1991’s Stone Cold! The Boz plays undercover cop Joe Huff (under the alter ego John Stone) to infiltrate a murderous, terroristic biker group led by Chains Cooper (Lance Henriksen).

After some mild blackmail from the FBI, Huff/Stone goes undercover to bring a violent Mississippi biker gang down. After feeding his pet lizard (maybe a Komodo Dragon?), he heads off to The South’s Warmest Welcome to meet Chains, second-in-command Ice (William Forsythe), old lady Nancy (Arabella Holzbog), and token wuss Gut (Evan James) to bring down their drug dealing and general violence. Stone gets in deep when he gets feelings for Nancy, and makes up some elaborate drug buy with a limitless supply of FBI drugs.

Can Stone bring the gang down before their terroristic plans from to fruition? Will he get home in time to feed his lizard? Will Gut get the confidence he so sorely needs? Listen to find out!

Some Notes:

• What underwear do bikers wear (if any)? If you're a biker, please let us know.
• RIP Gut (spoiler alert).
• Filmed in Mississippi, Alabama, Arkansas, and Florida.
• I said it in the podcast and I'll say it again, they should have made a Duke Nukem movie in the '90s with The Boz.

Podcast: One Tough Bastard (1996)

Lucius Malfoy takes the mound.

We return to our vague association with Kurt Wimmer (who wrote the story for the Barbarian Brothers' Double Trouble) and his 1996 revenge action film One Tough Bastard (currently streaming on Netflix). Sort of like The Crow meets Hard to Kill, OTB (also called One Man’s Justice) stars action star and washed out first round draft pick Brian Bosworth as his ex-wife and daughter are needlessly murdered by Marcus (Jeff Kober, resembling a C-Team Josh Brolin), the worst drug dealer in the world.

Members of Pearl Jam manage to steal the film's MacGuffin.

He shoots The Boz and puts him in the hospital. Once awake from his brief but refreshing coma, The Boz plots his revenge against Marcus and the skeeziest long-haired nose-pierced FBI agent in the world, Agent Karl Savak (played by Dungeons and Dragons’s Bruce Payne). Will The Boz fulfill his revenge, and exploit an inner city toddler in the process? Only one way to find out!

Some Notes:

• "The Catcher in the Fry" is, unfortunately, not an episode of Futurama.
• This movie exists in a horrible universe of ponytails, Sublime lyrics, and inner city murder.
• Also MC Hammer (at this point only going by "Hammer") is barely in this movie as the Avon Barksdale type character. He mostly sits around and lets slightly better actors do the heavy lifting for him.
• One of three movies directed by Kurt Wimmer (along with Equilibrium and Ultraviolet). He has spent most of his career writing successful and bombastic screenplays such as Salt, Law Abiding Citizen, and the Total Recall remake.
• Congratulations to longtime listener and podcast guest Nathan Smith on the birth of his second son!

Direct Download.