Friday, June 17, 2022

Podcast: 3 Ninjas Kick Back (1994)


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Your Stupid Minds moves in reverse chronological order through the 3 Ninjas franchise with 1994’s 3 Ninjas Kick Back, the second movie in the franchise. If you saw the original 3 Ninjas and thought "this doesn’t appeal to me, a dumb babby, enough," then this is the movie for you!

Grandpa Mori (Victor Wong) and one third of the kids from the original movie are back and they’re going to Japan! ...Eventually. First they have to compete in the dirtiest Little League game of all time, and then a luggage switch-em-up forces Colt (Max Elliott Slade), Rocky (Sean Fox), and Tum Tum (J. Evan Bonifant) to commit identify fraud to go to Japan and bring a sacred dagger to their grandpa in time for the end of a ninja tournament.

But who is this? Evil bad guy Koga (Sab Shimono) is trying to steal the dagger for reasons. And he’s using his dumb nephew and his two dumb friends to do it! Also who is this Japanese girl Miyo (Caroline Junko King) who is so good at ninja stuff? And why won’t this kid on the opposing baseball team stop farting? And why does Tum Tum break the fourth wall at the very end? You’ll just have to watch to find out!

Some Notes:

  • This was filmed after 3 Ninjas Knuckle Up and Rocky and Tumtum were recast, thus why the trailer rushes by their faces so quickly in the opening of the trailer.
  • Reportedly Kim Jong Un's favorite movie as a child. Reported by no one except for an anonymous IMDb trivia item.
  • "Glam," the bleach blonde surfer dude nephew of the villain, is played by Dustin Nguyen, who plays Zing in the show Warrior, and he's really good!
  • Another return of Your Stupid Minds all-star Don Stark, who plays the umpire in this, the sheriff in 3 Ninjas Knuckle Up, some guy in Santa with Muscles, and Donna's dad in That 70s Show.

Thursday, June 2, 2022

YSM Classics: Skyscraper (1996)

Direct download.

In honor of the podcast's tenth anniversary (and because of scheduling conflicts following a long holiday weekend) we decided to repost what is, according to our analytics, Your Stupid Minds's most download episode: 1996's Skyscraper, starring Anna Nicole Smith and that guy from T-Force.

If you want the show notes for episode 134, you can go to the original post. Enjoy!

Thursday, May 19, 2022

Podcast: The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader (2010)



Your Stupid Minds continues its “semi-recent movies that actually aren’t that bad and available on Disney Plus” series with the third Narnia movie that Disney dumped and neither of us got around to seeing until now. It’s 2010’s The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader!


Edmund (Skandar Keynes) and Lucy (Georgie Henley) are stuck in northern England waiting out the Blitz with their annoying cousin Eustace (Will Poulter) when they’re sucked into a painting and end up back in Narnia. They board King Caspian’s (Ben Barnes) ship the Dawn Treader and must recover some magic swords to stop an evil green mist from ravaging the land.

Some Notes:
  • After Prince Caspian underperformed at the box office, Disney quibbled with Walden Media over the budget (Disney wanted it to be $100 million, Walden wanted it to be something less absurd). Disney left the project and 20th Century Fox picked it up. When Disney bought Fox, Dawn Treader came back to them.

Thursday, May 5, 2022

Podcast: The King's Daughter (2022)

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Your Stupid Minds accidentally reviews two Kaya Scodelario movies in a row by covering a film shot in 2014 and intended to release in 2015. Instead it was dumped unceremoniously into theaters in January of this year. It’s 2022’s The King’s Daughter! Directed by Sean McNamara (3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain).

Marie-Josephe (Scodelario) is an orphan brought to 18th century Versailles for unknown reasons. It turns out she’s, get this, the king’s daughter. Specifically, the daughter of King Louis XIV (Pierce Brosnon). So she must navigate the court intrigue of the palace while she finds true love.

ALSO, the king wants to live forever, so he uses his quack court doctor Labarthe (Pablo Schreiber) to concoct a plan wherein if he eats the heart of a mermaid during an eclipse, he will achieve immortality. So the king hires a Captain Yves (Benjamin Walker) to capture a mermaid (Bingbing Fan) to do the deed. Will he go through with it? Will he have a change of heart? Did anyone see this movie? You’ll have to listen to find out.

Some Notes:

  • In the time between shooting and release, Kaya Scodelario and Benjamin Walker met, dated, got engaged, got married, and had two children.
  • One of the main reasons it was on the shelf for so long was Bingbing Fan, who plays the mermaid, got into some tax issues with the Chinese government and is basically blacklisted. Since this film had a lot of Chinese funding, the presumption was they were waiting for the scandal to blow over so it could release in China. It never did, so it was dumped into theaters this year.
  • Also this is technically an anniversary episode. The Your Stupid Minds podcast began just over ten years ago: May 2, 2012. 🥳

Thursday, April 21, 2022

Podcast: Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021)


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Your Stupid Minds features another underperforming pandemic film with this hard reboot of the Resident Evil franchise, removing Alice and the laser puzzles of the Paul W.S. Anderson films and sticking to something closer to the video game remakes. It’s 2021’s Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City!

Claire (Kaya Scodelario) is a former orphan from Raccoon City who returns to visit her brother Chris (Robbie Amell) and tell him something’s not right with the town. She is almost immediately proven right when a warning siren goes off and the T-Virus zombified townsfolk start attacking everyone. Can Claire, Chris, and the rest of the S.T.A.R.S. police squad escape the city before it explodes? Can they cram as much stuff from the games as they can? Will Jill Sandwich make an appearance? You’ll have to watch to find out!

To help you play along to the arbitrary rating, here's the GamePro Game Rating System:

Thursday, April 7, 2022

Podcast: Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins (2021)

Your Stupid Minds returns to the ninja movie well in our futile attempt to find a bad one. Surely the huge flop reboot based on toys will do the trick, right? Right? It's 2021's Snake Eyes: G.I. Origins.

Snake Eyes (Henry Golding) witnesses his father's murder as a child, and he vows to get big and buff and seek revenge. When evil Yakuza guy Kenta (Takehiro Hira) says he'll give him his father's killer if he works for him, Snake Eyes agrees. It begins when he's asked to execute a traitor in the gang's midst, who turns out to be Tommy (Andrew Koji) heir to the Arashikage ninja clan.

I can't get into much more without spoiling the plot, so let's just say there are some cool ninja fights and a glowing jewel that vaporizes dudes. And of course Cobra is involved.

Thursday, March 24, 2022

Podcast: The Sorcerer's Apprentice (2010)

 


Your Stupid Minds returns to the well of meh Disney movies with an unfaithful adaptation of the broom dancing sequence from Fantasia. It’s 2010’s The Sorcerer’s Apprentice!


In a flashback to 740 A.D., Merlin (James A. Stephens) is betrayed by this trusted apprentice Horvath (Alfred Molina) and slain by the evil sorcerer Morgana (Alice Krige). A bunch of years later, in 2000 A.D., a kid named Dave (played by Jay Baruchel when he grows up) wanders into a curio shop and is given a magic dragon ring by Balthazar (Nicolas Cage). Ten MORE years later, in 2010 A.D., they must work together to stop Horvath from freeing Morgana, who will destroy the world or something.

Some Notes: