YSM Classics: Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987)

 

Direct download.

In honor of Nick being in Hawaii this week, we're doing another YSM Classics with our May 30, 2016 episode Hard Ticket to Hawaii.

If you want to read the original show notes, you can go to the original post. Aloha!

Podcast: Heavenly Sword (2014)

 

Direct download.

Blockade Entertainment went to Sony with a dream. “What if,” they said, “we took one of your lesser PS3 exclusive games and used old existing game assets to make a big budget movie?” Sony said “let’s do it!” and fished around in their couch cushions for enough money to slap this together on the cheap using a third string Korean animation studio. What we have is 2014’s Heavenly Sword, based on the 2007 game that no one remembered even at the time.

Nariko (Anna Torv) is an orphan part of a nomadic group of warriors tasked with protecting the “Heavenly Sword,” a powerful sword that is magic or something. But evil King Bohan (Alfred Molina, NOT Andy Serkis as IMDb claims. Serkis voiced him in the game) has made a pact with the Raven God and wants the sword to do evil things.

Bohan attacks the group’s base (I thought they were nomadic?) and Nariko is tasked with finding her long lost brother Loki (Thomas Jane), who is the chosen one and can use Heavenly Sword powers to defeat Bohan. Nariko goes on her quest with Kai (Ashleigh Ball) a violent little girl who turns out to be her sister. Also it turns out her dad is the group’s leader Master Shen (Nolan North) who hates girls.

Podcast: Skinner (1993)

Direct download.

After some heavy material about kids in King Arthur’s court and 3 ninjas, we decided on a lighter fare this time. What about a serial killer who kills and skins people? And also his actual name is Skinner? It’s 1993’s Skinner, directed by Ivan Navy.

Dennis Skinner (Ted Raimi) is a mind-mannered nerd renting a room out to innocent housewife Kerry (Ricki Lake). But he has a horrible secret he’s barely able to maintain: he’s a serial killer who skins his victims and wears their skin. His name is Skinner.

Heidi (Traci Lords) is one of his previous victims who’s been hunting him down for five years, which mainly consists of her shooting up old timey 19th century opioids and then following Skinner to a river and mumbling about how much she hates him.

There’s also Kerry’s jerk husband Geoff (David Warshofsky) and a sleazy flop house owner Eddie (Richard Schiff). Will Heidi kill the killer before he strikes again? If she does, will we the audience even see it since this movie is shot and lit horribly? You’ll just have to watch to find out! Also, please don’t watch this.

Podcast: A Kid in King Arthur's Court (1995)

Direct download.

This time, Your Stupid Minds reviews a forgettable 90s family movie that is available on Disney+, 1995’s A Kid in King Arthur’s Court. A kid travels back in time (or to an alternate universe where King Arthur actually existed) to 6th century England to show medieval people the wonders of Rollerblades and portable CD players.

Click to watch the trailer, since Disney has locked this shit down and you can't embed the trailer.

Calvin (Thomas Ian Nicholas) falls through a crack in the earth after sucking at a baseball game and finds himself in Camelot. He spends most of his time in this extremely strange situation trying to court King Arthur’s (Joss Ackland) daughter Princess Katey (Paloma Baeza). But also an evil Lord Belasco (Art Malik) has a nefarious plot to marry the king’s other daughter Sarah (Kate Winslet), even though she’s in love with the jousting instructor Master Kane (Daniel Craig). Calvin defeats the bad guy mostly though 90s catchphrases and gadgets.

Podcast: 3 Ninjas Kick Back (1994)

Direct download.

Your Stupid Minds moves in reverse chronological order through the 3 Ninjas franchise with 1994’s 3 Ninjas Kick Back, the second movie in the franchise. If you saw the original 3 Ninjas and thought "this doesn’t appeal to me, a dumb babby, enough," then this is the movie for you!

Grandpa Mori (Victor Wong) and one third of the kids from the original movie are back and they’re going to Japan! ...Eventually. First they have to compete in the dirtiest Little League game of all time, and then a luggage switch-em-up forces Colt (Max Elliott Slade), Rocky (Sean Fox), and Tum Tum (J. Evan Bonifant) to commit identify fraud to go to Japan and bring a sacred dagger to their grandpa in time for the end of a ninja tournament.

But who is this? Evil bad guy Koga (Sab Shimono) is trying to steal the dagger for reasons. And he’s using his dumb nephew and his two dumb friends to do it! Also who is this Japanese girl Miyo (Caroline Junko King) who is so good at ninja stuff? And why won’t this kid on the opposing baseball team stop farting? And why does Tum Tum break the fourth wall at the very end? You’ll just have to watch to find out!

Some Notes:

• This was filmed after 3 Ninjas Knuckle Up and Rocky and Tumtum were recast, thus why the trailer rushes by their faces so quickly in the opening of the trailer.
• Reportedly Kim Jong Un's favorite movie as a child. Reported by no one except for an anonymous IMDb trivia item.
• "Glam," the bleach blonde surfer dude nephew of the villain, is played by Dustin Nguyen, who plays Zing in the show Warrior, and he's really good!
• Another return of Your Stupid Minds all-star Don Stark, who plays the umpire in this, the sheriff in 3 Ninjas Knuckle Up, some guy in Santa with Muscles, and Donna's dad in That 70s Show.

YSM Classics: Skyscraper (1996)

Direct download.

In honor of the podcast's tenth anniversary (and because of scheduling conflicts following a long holiday weekend) we decided to repost what is, according to our analytics, Your Stupid Minds's most download episode: 1996's Skyscraper, starring Anna Nicole Smith and that guy from T-Force.

If you want the show notes for episode 134, you can go to the original post. Enjoy!

Podcast: The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader (2010)

Direct download.

Your Stupid Minds continues its “semi-recent movies that actually aren’t that bad and available on Disney Plus” series with the third Narnia movie that Disney dumped and neither of us got around to seeing until now. It’s 2010’s The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader!

Edmund (Skandar Keynes) and Lucy (Georgie Henley) are stuck in northern England waiting out the Blitz with their annoying cousin Eustace (Will Poulter) when they’re sucked into a painting and end up back in Narnia. They board King Caspian’s (Ben Barnes) ship the Dawn Treader and must recover some magic swords to stop an evil green mist from ravaging the land.

Some Notes:

• After Prince Caspian underperformed at the box office, Disney quibbled with Walden Media over the budget (Disney wanted it to be $100 million, Walden wanted it to be something less absurd). Disney left the project and 20th Century Fox picked it up. When Disney bought Fox, Dawn Treader came back to them.